Yes, I am an adult and I am also recovering spoiled rotten little brat!
If you have kids I would love for you to read this... and pay attention, you might want to change your views about how you are parenting your children.
I was adopted at basically no age, I was also the only child to an amazing pair of parents that I still wonder everyday how I got to be so lucky to have them as my own but I did and will be forever grateful.
My life was easy when I was a kid, I would barely lift a finger and have anything and everything I wanted, my parents never said NO to me; Money back then was never an issue, at least I was never told, NO, you can't have another barbie because we can't afford it- that phrase I learnt much later in life.
I was also never taught how to say NO either.... so my life was full of yes and that is exactly why I have decided to write this so YOU, as a parent, are able to understand how you can ruin your children's life by trying to give them everything and anything you can.
Being a spoiled child has been very tough for my as an adult, I have had to learn the bad way that things do not come easily, that money does not grow on trees, that people are allowed to say no to me and that now that I am alone (meaning with no parents, as both passed) no daddy to support me financially or who to run to if in trouble has been the hardest. So I urge you to think and try to give your children NOT all money can buy but exactly the opposite.
Teach your children the value of money, make them earn their money but not by paying them for the chores in the house that they should do anyway, but maybe if young (not too young) to set and allowance so they save money and start realizing at a young age that to buy something it requires effort.
Don't give just because they ask.... be a parent and teach them how to save money, how to manage their money.
Like today, my son said to me that he was going to have a mobile when he turned 10... and I said are you? and how are you going to get it? and his answer was, my daddy said I was going to have one. So in my son's head he thinks his dad is going to hand him a mobile with no effort whatsoever just because he is 10! Well, he is in for a big surprise, I am sure my hubby said you will be allowed to have a mobile at 10 (without thinking because it would be the sort of thing we would discuss before) yet I am pretty sure he did not say I will give you a mobile.... -big, ummm massive difference!! He would have to work for it- how does he work as a youngster to achieve money? Well, we will see when the time comes but rest assure I will NOT be paying my son for cleaning his room or washing the dishes, that he has to do without discussion - Why??? well, when he moves out to his own place or when he moves with his own partner, I want him to know how to do things and NOT be like me, that I learnt at 16 years of age- how to make my bed or how to wash my clothes (that all turned a lovely shade of pistachio green cos I had no idea that you do not mix whites with colours) I always had somebody to make my bed everyday, clean after me and cook for me!
Yesterday, I saw myself again, an exact mirror of myself in the most peculiar way, it was with my son's friend. This little person I am sure is not used to people telling her NO, and yesterday that we had her as a playdate it happened.... she wanted something that I was not able to buy not even for my own son, so I said No, sorry I can't pay for that, I do not have enough money. She looked at me as if I was speaking another language completely, I could tell her brain was not able to compute the order I had given her and that's when hell unleashed. I will not go into detail as some of you may recognize who I am talking about and its not fair on her, its not her fault that she was born in a family where money is not an everyday issue like it is for most households nowadays. But it was then when it hit me, I will not allow my son to become that person that I was, not that we have that option of giving him everything he asks for yet it is important that he sees and learns NOW, sooner rather than later that life is not like living inside a crystal bubble where Prince Charming and Cinderella are the main characters.
The worst thing about it, is she of course told her mom and now I am the bad guy that denied her child what she wanted!
It was not only the fact that I said no, but what that child became after I said NO. She was only but rude, I could see that she has no limits whatsoever and that of course she has somebody cleaning after her all the time. I had no thank yous, no nothing from her, I was the evil witch that dared to say NO to the little princess.
Isn't that sad?
Now, if you have a daughter, be careful, you are more tempted and more vulnerable to make her become a spoiled child.
And THAT is what you want to avoid, you can ruin her life, I promise! My life could be so much easier now, if my dad (more than my mom, cos she passed when I was almost 10) had taught me to say No or had said NO to me at some point. Up until now I suffer the consequences and the worst thing is that I know he only did it because he felt guilty that I didn't have a mom, I don't blame him, I am sure I would do the same under that sort of situation but truly you are NOT making your children stronger when you say yes, you are making them ignorant because you are causing them not to make an effort to achieve anything, you are making them lazy by giving them anything they need and you are not loving them (even if you do) because when you love somebody you show them how to be the best they can be, not the best they can by whilst they binge on your bank account until you die for whatever time it lasts of course.
So here it is... Do not let yourself parent your children towards that road. Make them useful, teach them how to do things, even if its the tiniest things, when they grow up they will thank you (don't expect a thank you card anytime before their late 30's) for what you did for them. Make useful children, and they will grow to be successful self-sufficient adults and amazing partners.
Also, before I forget, when I was a child I used to wonder why so many people did not like me, did not enjoy my company, I had no idea I was such a painful little human to be around, I wanted all and if somebody dared to say no I would have the biggest tantrums, so avoid your child the embarrassment of remembering as an adult such displays of mischievousness.
I really hope it helps---
From the recovering spoiled rotten little brat I once was (don't worry I am still spoiled, I am just not rotten)
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